#this is written badly on purpose

[aliakim-the-okay]

New crack fic idea:

(Barney from HIMYM and Dennis from Always Sunny meet each other for the first time in Paddy’s Pub (where Barney shows up after being separated from Ted during their eventful trip to Philly.))

There, he witnesses Dennis Reynolds hitting on a generic blonde hottie and just has to intervene. Dennis’s moves are wayyyy too underdeveloped and frankly archaic. He needs something more legend- (wait for it) -dary to be able to pick up the gorgeous and elusive species known as “women.”

Dennis gawks in offense as he watches Barney woo the blondie with his suave expertise.

As Barney walks the total baddie away, he throws a cheeky wink in Dennis’s direction as the newfound couple make their way towards the door.

Filled with rage, Dennis approaches dangerously and shoves Barney hard. Barney turns around in shock, disgusted that his designer suit had been touched by one of those filthy Phillidelphians.

Dennis makes a loud ruckus in the bar. He shouts far too loud about how that girl was his for the night and that he almost had her. All the while Dee continued cleaning a glass over and over again in the corner, pretending not to hear as Dennis continued his adult tantrum.

Barney shooed the broad away as he straightened out his suit. He slung an arm over Dennis’s shoulder as waved his hand towards the sky. He said that if Dennis really needed help picking up hot chicks that badly, Barney was there to teach Dennis how to live.

Dennis slapped Barney’s hands away from him in disgust. Dennis claimed he knew very well how to live and that he could pick up any girl he wanted. He didn’t need some rando asshole in a fancy suit to teach him anything.

Barney smiled…

This called for a competition.

A competition to see who was the suavest, hottest, and downright godliest of bachelors in this particular corner of Philly.

The objective? The first to go home (or at least out the front door) with a Philadelphian woman would be crowned the winner.

The trophy? Forever bragging rights along with the metaphorical crown of badassitude.

Oh man, are the others gonna love this… They thought at the same time.

As the clock struck 8:30pm, the poor excuse for a rush hour hit the bar. Ones (singular) of people all came in, all entering the bar in a matter of several minutes. All while Barney and Dennis stared each other down with a fire of competition in their eyes.

Suddenly, at the same time, the two nodded before scrambling away to opposite sides of the bar.

Dennis ran to the nearest woman he could find, grabbed her by the shoulders, and spun her around to look at her face. He winced and made a sound before moving on.

Barney slid against the weirdly wet floor and into the view of another woman on the other side of the room. He faltered at her below average looks before taking note of her huge badonkers and promptly smiling.

Barney asked how she was doing, where she grew up, what her relationship with her dad is like, and other non-intrusive questions.

Meanwhile Dennis slicked his over-greased hair back. He acted cool in front of a woman who looked just hot enough for him. She happily rattled on about her day as Dennis grew impatient. He rolled his eyes and checked his watch as he took glances at Barney’s progress. He couldn’t lose this.

As Barney could practically feel the sexual attraction radiating off the woman in front of him, he couldn’t help but notice his competition across the bar.

Dennis’s target woman was ranting all too loudly about her secret. She entered with a fake ID (that no one checked anyways) and was actually 16. Dennis’s hand slowly reached for her shoulder as he admitted that it was close enough for him and they should go back to his place for some… “video games.”

Barney’s head snapped towards Dennis in shock. He silently told Ms. Huge Badonkers to wait a minute as he quickly approached Dennis and wound up. Dennis turned with a shitty grin just in time to be decked directly in the face.

Dennis slid across the dirty floor as he held his bloody nose. He whined and grunted on the floor like a little baby. Suddenly, Dee “accidentally” spilled a drink on his face with a triumphant smile before walking away.

Barney shook his hand before grabbing a napkin to wipe his bloody knuckles. He readjusted his suit and approached the teenager. He shook his head disapprovingly and pointed a thumb towards the door. She hung her head sadly and left the bar.

Barney gave one last look at the pitiful man on the floor. He scoffed to himself before putting his arm around the huge-boobed lady’s waist and exited the bar.

Mac and Charlie rushed to Dennis’s side and helped him up. Mac yelled at Barney that he’ll pay for what he did to his bro, but Barney simply said that if Dennis was their bro, Mac and Charlie needed a better one.

After Barney was done making insane love to this big-boobied beast, he’d have to tell Ted all about tonight and it was absolutely legend- (wait for it…)

-dary!

[theangelshavethephonebox]

Master episode

Doctor: oh Master what are you doing here?

Master: you'd never believe it but I'm here to help you darling

Dr: you're right I don't believe

Companion: gay?

M+D together: no homo *snog*

Dr: oh no bad guys

Master: haha I made alliance with bad guys! I'm safe! Wait, bad guys? What are you doing? It's me, Master-

*they all run*

Dr: wait where is Companion

C: I here and scared.

Dr: good. Now I just defeat baddies *tries. Gets caught. About to be killed*

Master: I must sacrifice myself to kill the bad guys because if they kill babygirl I mean Doctor before I do I will never live with myself

C: okay lol bye

Mater: *dies*

C: you think we'll ever see him again?

Dr: no, babygirl I mean Master is long gone, for good, finally, no possibility of cloning, no extraction points, no resurrections, no timeline forks, nothing. Nada. Goodbye, babygirl M. Forever.

M: hi guys I'm back

Dr: Yayyy ily- I mean wtf. Okay bye

[CREDITS]

[onlysushicat]

[mintaikk]

There's always those fics that put too much emphasis on it 😔

(Original video made by rarityswifez of Tiktok. I just added the words)

[kingsragesqueal]

stolas asking blitz "have u ever apologized to anyone?" is literally so fucking wild because yeah, yeah he has actually?? have *you* ever apologized to anyone? i can only think of two times u've apologized and both of them were to octavia, after you fucked up majorly and ignored her needs and made her feel unloved and alone. also did u ever apologize to blitz for *takes out comically long scroll*

coercing him into a sexual relationship (he admitted it was wrong, but never apologized)

using him as an object in more way than one, including putting out a cigarette on his horn (99% sure that imps have feeling/sensation in their horns. he didn't seem to be in any pain but tbf we know he's into some freaky shit....but STILL)

calling him an "impish little plaything," "itty bitty imp," "blitzy," etc

embarrassing him in public and dirty talking to him on the phone with your daughter in the same room

treating his entire race as a whole like complete and utter trash then denying it and basically saying "UM i don't see color (species) uwu~"

trying to make him feel guilty for not rescuing you when he was taking his daughter to get a very important shot that literally prevents her from dying which she is five years overdue for already, a daughter who is also terrified and needs his support (being a supportive dad? what's that lol)

so many other things i can't even think of rn

no? no. then shut the fuck up u ugly ass bird

[apopcornkernel]

dick and jason have so many cool parallels especially if jason is a villain it actually makes their relationship more interesting and meaningful. the concept of brothers in blood is so great!!! please tell what you wish was different about this story!!!

hi anon!! thank you for sending me the ask like i begged in that post shfdjshkf

compulsory disclaimer: i like working within the confines of the text, when they aren’t rooted in misconceptions of the characters in the first place. i think pre-flashpoint pre-morrison jason deserves the same treatment and so does dick's view of jason considering all the other extenuating circumstances

ANYWAYS, my main issue with brothers in blood is that jason doesn't seem to have a plan like at ALL. he just shows up and starts killing people...? i i believe that dick's jason event was not fully capitalized on and that jason's character suffers for it. like he never really comes off as a fully threatening rogue, dangerous and cunning in his own right; his main schtick is "needless" violence and that's really it 😭

unlike with bruce and mia, for bruce jason literally engineered a drug coup, he ran circles around batman and taunted him with hints and clues slowly until the revelation of his return (after which bruce goes on a hunt for evidence himself to see if it's true). jason then maneuvered him into an impossible situation where he had to choose between letting jason kill the joker or killing jason to stop him from doing it, wherein jason not only bared his soul and anger and hurt but also pushed bruce to do the same. and when pushed to make the final decision, bruce is panicking. he's shaking, he can't think straight. and when he hits falsely he's completely distraught and i know that it haunts him.

and i think that's the type of psychological anguish jason should always be inflicting onto his opponents!!!! after mia's encounter with jason, she was like this:

and that's after jason dug up her entire history and taunted her about it. and then he blew up her high school.

and guess what happened right before OYL, right before brothers in blood... yeah. devin grayson's trauma speedrun arc which culminated in the entire city of bludhaven being leveled by chemo

i honestly think that jason Would go there. and i think it would've made for a more intense fight, coupled with the resentment dick already displays in the comic! and i think it's a damn shame that brothers in blood flopped in execution when there was a lot of potential in its concept and setup :/

that's also why i don't like teen titans #29. jason comes off as just another jealous guy taking out his daddy issues on a teenager with no thought or regard for anything else but violence. his only semblance of a plan is in incapacitating the titans, and after that he doesn't really think anymore? jason's also unable to get a reaction from tim, like i said. jason is screaming out his feelings and going U REALLY THINK U COULD REPLACE ME???? meanwhile tim is just like: "mm yeah im better than you idgaf". it's really unsatisfying. i expected better from jason and in fact i do not think that he would be emotionally unstable enough to be this careless with tim. his biggest turmoil lies with bruce and even with BRUCE he's cunning. so,,, yeah

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

You know, I'm glad that some of us take the step to embrace things that we like even if they're "cringe" or "objectively bad"

But perhaps we could take the next step forward and embrace the idea of reading into books/shows/movies/etc even if they don't seem deep. Perhaps we could understand that the two kinds of media aren't either "shallow and meaningless so you're weird and brainrotted to read into it" or "incredibly and profoundly deep in every way so if you don't analyze every single angle of the thing then you're brainrotted". Some media is deeper than others, but all I propose is that no matter how deep it seems it's acceptable to dig into the thing and take the media seriously instead of just assuming that because of ____ thing (such as target audience or how cringe it is) the media not deep and will never be deep and everything good about it happened on accident.

[roobylavender]

im really sorry if this question ends up being repetitive: but, if not for bruce’s over reliance on dick to regulate his thoughts and emotions, why would dick grow up into feeling like he needs to repress his emotions so much and his eagerness to act as people’s support? i know youve spoken about wolfman and his altering of their relationship but if ntt is generally an accurate portrayal of an adult dick, to me this nevertheless sounds like the consequences a parent-child relationship where the responsibilities are titled too much towards the child

i suppose this could also segue into asking for recs that would help me better understand your interpretation of their relationship 👀

not repetitive at all! to me the irony of wolfman's depiction of dick lies in that it is simultaneously something you can logically ascertain from prior canon but not for the reasons actually presented by wolfman. if that makes sense. he does extra work that isn't actually necessary to help explain why dick would act the way that he does because there's plenty of reasons for it without rewriting his history with bruce to have always been suppressed and edgy and dark. to me it makes far more sense to capitalize on the inevitable disconnect between bruce and dick as an adult and a child. batman: full circle is a good example of that dichotomy (and although it was published in the early 90s it built on mike w. barr's prior understanding of the relationship between dick and bruce that he wrote into the early 80s). bruce's primary concern for the people he works with is never standards or finesse but safety. he worries constantly about others coming to harm under his watch and with a child in particular those worries were exacerbated. he ran a tight ship not because he believed dick had anything to prove but because the only way dick could keep being robin was if he went about it safely. that was obv easy for an adult to understand. but not so much for a child

to bruce these worries were practical and par for the course (as well as an expression of his love and protectiveness) but for dick their consequences formed the crux of his entire world. as a child he idolized everything about bruce. his heroism. his work ethic. his skill. his resolve. his preparedness. if dick couldn't live up to the standard he set for himself in idolizing bruce then what could he ever hope to amount to? that was the thought constantly going through his head. and it's why the bulk of his childhood and primary tenure as bruce's partner was so precariously protected by the fact that nothing bad ever really happened during it (and admittedly this framing is convenient because even chronologically speaking nothing very significant happened in their history with each other until dick left for university in 1969) (i know dixon opted to write that whole shtick with dent in his version of events but personally i never found it necessary to do so). there is enough there in the idea of dick working hard for the course of a decade to embody who he believed bruce to be that lends itself to it eventually being difficult for him to healthily express himself once the rift between them actually began to emerge

because what about bruce was there to actually see that was broken and dark before dick became an adult? i know a lot of dick fans hate batman #408 because they don't like that it enforced "retirement" upon dick (which i personally believe is a conclusion they come to because of the way batman #416 re-framed the same scene) but to me that's an inaccurate reading of the text. batman #408 was about bruce (admittedly far too belatedly) recognizing that he could not in good conscience continue to ask dick to go out and be a vigilante on what he considered to be his own "orders". he viewed dick's close call with death at the hands of the joker as something directly of his own making. although their tenure with each other had been wonderful if dick wanted to continue to be a vigilante it had to be on his own terms and of his own volition. obv that was logical to bruce and it was something dick managed to accept in the moment. but it's still hard to go from always having a purpose alongside someone you idolized to finally being entrusted entirely to forge your own

in general i like the idea of dick the adult becoming privy to all of the personal problems and conflicts that come with being a vigilante. he was conveniently shielded from a lot of those problems as a child because all he had to do was be bruce's partner and hope to live up to the title. bruce had no reason to trauma dump on him or talk about his worries and concerns at length with him because it was never supposed to be dick's job to field those worries and concerns in the first place. he was a child. the only thing bruce wanted to do was to help channel his emotions through an outlet and provide him with a home to grow up in. but when you become an adult often that dynamic shifts. you're still not responsible for fielding those worries and concerns but you can perhaps be trusted with them. that's why i like the framing in batman #408 of dick now being a man. it's a subtle way to frame the double-edged sword of adulthood. the world is in your hands now but so will be the horrors that come with it. coming to terms with the real world that bruce lives in should be hard for dick. coming to terms with who bruce is when he's not perfect should be hard. coming to terms with how quietly bruce kept his grief because he did not see fit to overwhelm a child with it should be hard. that dichotomy of dick both wanting to be bruce's brother and his son should form the crux of their conflict with each other because you can't hope to be someone's equal and someone's protected at the same time in that kind of relationship. for dick to transition into the position of equal he has to expose himself to the fact that bruce is not in fact an idol but someone irrevocably human. and that should interfere significantly with his head and his own standards for himself

[anastacialy]

y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'

[mwagneto]

not to start shit but as someone who was on the front lines of tjlc during season 4 it's insanely funny to see people huffing the same exact breed of copium like these are word for word just repeated arguments that ppl made back then. like bro if you think the writing was bad that's because your opinion is that the writing was bad. it's okay to think the writing was bad. see *i* dont think it was bad but your repeated insistence that "we all agree it was bad" just tells me that you need people to agree with you because you can't just accept that you didn't like something. like im sorry but sometimes the things you like are gonna make you go "huh i think that bit was badly written" and that's okay it's not some big conspiracy 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[bunisher]

one thing about webbverse is that the people who love tasm!peter really love tasm!peter and the people who understand him really understand him. he’s ours and i love that for us.

[rexscanonwife]

Grrggh...good morning everypony = w = I rewatched the episode of the ppg reboot where Utonium gets a girlfriend...

[ladyseidr]

okay! finally making this an official post: if you want my "new" discord, please either A. like this post, or B. DM me. either way, i'll DM you the name. it's not some secret or anything ( it's identical to my personal blog's url lmao ) but y'know. just not posting publicly this time

[ninvic-rbs]

Anyone else get Secret Good Fourth Sherlock Episode vibes from the magic trick you didn't see theory?

[sepelios]

[ olivia cooke, cis-woman, she/her ] look who just landed! WREN PALMER, i sure hope you packed all you need. perhaps you’re not worried as an X CODER at X ACADEMY & INFORMANT for THE GREY LILIES. the city has plenty of spots for a 32 year old HUMAN like you. you’ll be known in the city soon enough as THE TRAITOR, being INQUISITIVE and ANXIOUS.

.ACCESSREQUEST record; employee number 039278 authorising... ACCESS GRANTED

EMPLOYEE NUMBER 039278 <BASICS>

full name: wren palmer

nickname: none (but is open to them!)

date of birth: 12th march, 2373

gender: cis woman

pronouns: she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual (women/nb)

romantic orientation: biromantic

current age: thirty two

modification: human

affiliation: x academy the grey lilies

birthplace: melbourne, australia (earth)

current neighbourhood: akumu

occupation: x coder, specialising in android programming

known languages: english, indonesian, japanese

<PERSONALITY>

positive traits: inquisitive, compassionate, observant, just

neutral traits: analytical, intelligent, unassuming, inhibited

negative traits: anxious, sensitive, impatient, obsessive

peeves: being interrupted, people who don't apologise, doors left ajar, code that doesn't work, gum chewing

fears: getting caught as an informant by her employers, confrontation in general, hospitals, feeling lonely for the rest of her life

skills: coding and programming, going unnoticed, problem solving, listening attentively

goals: help expose the true nature of x academy, find some sort of closure for the death of her brother

<APPEARANCE>

faceclaim: olivia cooke

height: 5’6”

eye colour: dark brown

hair colour: auburn

clothing style: best described as dark academia reimagined by someone who works in tech — typically soft, loose fabrics in warmer earth tones, wide-legged trousers, oversized shirts and knitwear, graphic tshirts, boots or sneakers

jewellery: small hoop earrings, a simple gold necklace with a small star pendant, a gold signet ring

tattoos: a bird in flight on the back of her right shoulder

marks/scars: none

modifications: none

scent/fragrance: violet, musk, bergamot

<INSPIRATIONS>

quote: "i learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it."

label: the traitor — a person who betrays someone or something, such as a friend, cause, or principle

tropes: cowardly lion; amateur sleuth; fighting from the inside; the atoner; taking up the mantle; beware the quiet ones

parallels: elisa esposito (the shape of water); mabel mora (only murders in the building); peeta mellark (the hunger games); klaus baudelaire (a series of unfortunate events); allison cameron (house)

song: the body is a blade — japanese breakfast

<FAVOURITES>

likes: waking up early, the ritual of a coffee and a pastry every morning on her way to work, burning candles, oversized knitwear, avoiding social obligations, antiques

dislikes: sweltering heat, having her photograph taken, ketchup, large crowds, frequent feelings of overwhelming dread

hobbies: visiting the cemetery, cooking for herself, people watching, long runs, weekly phonecalls with her parents that she always tries to avoid

habits: stress smoking, tucking a pen or pencil behind her ear, spending hours walking around the grocery store, cracking her knuckles when nervous

cherished item: the gold ring she wears at all times that belonged to her brother

<SUMMARY> death of a loved one tw

the palmers moved from earth to new jakarta with their two children, having bought into the propaganda of there being a better life available for everyone on mars. as it turned out, this better life was out of reach for them. the only place they could afford to live was the slums in akumu, and the well-paying jobs that they had been promised failed to materialise, forcing them into blue-collar labour for minimal wages.

wren grew up wanting to live a more comfortable life, and when she developed an interest in tech, she used this to drive her, aspiring to one day work for x academy. her twin brother, robin, took a different path, instead growing bitter about the disparity of wealth in the city and wanting to punish those in positions of power who exploited the lower classes.

eventually, wren was accepted at the university in sora around the same time her brother was inducted into the grey lilies. though she didn't judge his choices, and even empathised with him, she didn't engage with that side of his life, though he repeatedly told her that her skills in coding could be useful to the gang. they maintained a relationship, even as she was offered a job at x academy after her graduation and he begged her not to take it, even as he repeatedly put himself in more danger and she tried to get him to stop taking risks with his life. this back and forth, endless worrying about the other, last for several years.

when robin told her that he thought there was a link between the golden tears and x academy, wren dismissed it as a lie designed to get her on his side. the two fought bitterly over it, and she stormed out of his apartment. several days later, wren was notified that he had been killed in a clash with the golden tears.

after taking as much bereavement leave as she was allowed to take, wren returned to work at x academy with her brother's warnings echoing around her mind, and decided that it was finally time for her to hear him out. incrementally, and without drawing attention to herself, she began to look into this where she could, only to discover that he had been correct. horrified at the company for its association with the gang, and at herself for living in denial, she approached the grey lilies with an offer to be their informant, replacing robin.

[tmae3114]

I love when my friend invites me over to playtest his game because I am the person he invites to very specifically be An Agent Of Chaos

Will I engage with his game and its rules wholeheartedly and in good faith? Yes! Of course!

Will the Specific Way That My Brain Works mean that I will near immediately zero in on any and every loophole, exploitable mechanic, and other-breakable-thing, with the unerring accuracy of iron filings to a magnet? Also yes